two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
