Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
