apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
