I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize