apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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