Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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