Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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