I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
