I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
