P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The air was thick with penises
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize