we have officially lost it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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