Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
