i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
