i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
