i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
