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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
