Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
