I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
