i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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