did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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