Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
