i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
