i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
