I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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