Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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