It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
