dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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