hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
