I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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