3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
