I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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