I cannot find my penis.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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