you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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