Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
