i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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