I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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