He uses pillows to masturbate.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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