you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
