Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
