If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize