Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
