I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
