remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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