i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
