dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and she was petting her beer can
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You pole danced in your parka.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
