There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
