I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
