His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize