hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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