My sheets look like a crime scene.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
