If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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