who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
