He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
