make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
