You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
