Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
