My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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