I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
