wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
