Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My pussy is not your playground.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
