we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
