she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Its about making memories worth repressing
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
