So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You took a bar mat shot.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I love you.
Bad choice
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
