you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
