Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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