I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he shaved USA in his pubs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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