There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
