just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize