I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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