i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
there was a trapeze. enough said
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
