arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
