last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
