i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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