So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
